SHAME - Today, I am ENOUGH!!

Hello again to my readers,

I took a small break from blogging as my worlds converged to reveal progress in lessons that take a lifetime of practice.  My God, Higher Power, Spirit of the Universe...what ever you are comfortable with...has been leading me down a path I have taken before, but for very different reasons today.  I'm very different today than even a year ago, and I didn't realize it until this week.

The title of this blog is probably not going to result in many readers, but that is ok.  The importance of this topic in my life, and facing it head on, has begun a freeing, positive and miraculous change in my soul.  It's taken me this past month to get to the point where I could put this into words.  I had to PRACTICE the things I have been reading about and listening to in Brene' Brown's books The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly.

Let me begin with, I have a job that has some very tedious, mind numbing tasks, when I work on them I put my headphones on and listen to Brene's books on Audible.  www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

When I started studying shame I had faced some very big realities about myself, had to walk through them and clean up the wreckage of my past.  This is a life long task, but the major events have been addressed, amends made and forgiveness given.  I had to face that my defense mechanisms root from fear.  Once I knew that, I had to peel the onion another layer deeper, which revealed the true root of my fear, which is SHAME.

I studied shame, because that is where I am comfortable, studying, working with data, facts...give me facts! On the other hand, feelings are not comfortable for me.  I have been allowing myself to feel, and leaning into it, for 4 years.  It's been awkward, painful, but so rewarding.  I have found out that feeling doesn't kill you, it feels like it sometimes, but it won't.  If you can walk into it, talk to someone who has made it to the other side, then you can be free of the fear.  Fear intensifies the pain.  I think of pain as "the valley of death", which for me means a time of change and God walks me through it.

Brene' discusses that shame feels the same as trama symptoms.  I have lived with PTSD since age six, but didn't know what it was.  I wasn't sure that those symptoms happened to me when I was in shame, until now.

Those of you who have known me for a while know I have tried to sell everything on the face of the earth. There is a reason I am an accountant and not a sales person.  I swore I would not try and sell anything again. To be honest, in the past, I was always trying to sell these things with the motivation to make big money. (I know, I know...) They were always products I liked.  However, I would buy more than a sold and didn't really run it like a business.

Well, a month ago I was contacted by a friend, who asked me to do her a favor and listen to a recording and take a survey to help her in her Mary Kay business.  I agreed to  do this, and she knew I had a bad experience with one rep in the past.  I had actually stopped using Mary Kay products as a result.  I will say that it's not fair to judge an entire company based on one person or even a small group of people.

I listened.  The national group leader is my friends sister-in-law, she has values that align with mine - God first, Family second and Work third.  When I lay out boundaries she honors them.  I don't like conformity, but when I look at the guides for what they expect of their sales force, it is a long and detailed list, as a business practice rather than conforming, I was open to following direction.  I must say that any time I have gone into a situation with an open-mind everything flows. Funny how when I just follow direction and leave the results up to God, things flow.

Here comes the lesson: when I do direct sales I have to be vulnerable...eeeek...even via email it is uncomfortable.  As part of our goal to become a new national area, I sent out an email to all my personal contacts.  I've surprisingly received a positive response and no one has been mean or rude in anyway.  I received one reply simply asking that I take her off any promotional emails.  She was very polite and the email was short and sweet.  I immediately went into a SHAME SPIRAL.  My armpits tingled, my skin felt clammy and I froze.  Suddenly, I realized what was happening, I was in shame.  There was no reason for it, but there I was.  I thought, what do I do.  I sat there at my desk and I said out loud fast...pain pain pain pain pain pain...until the sensations went away.  It is freaking amazing, I was able to recognize it and then address it.  I reminded myself, out loud that all she is saying is I don't want my email filled with promotional stuff for products I don't use.  She wasn't saying, I hate you and never talk to me again.

The tools I am learning from Brene' work!  If my journey with Mary Kay is just to make me a stronger, more confident women, then it is work every minute.  Never mind the 50% discount on products that I do truly love.  www.marykay.com/oneawesomebrenda.

Thank you Brene'!  I will always be grateful!! I AM ENOUGH!!  I am strong enough!  I am happy enough!  I have enough! I am lovable!!  I AM ENOUGH!!

The summer job that guaranteed my college degree

My least favorite job?  How about the job the ensured my completion of college!!

It was summer 1982 and I got a job working at the Jafra Cosmetics and Perfume factory in Westlake, California.  I thought, how hard can it be to work on a production line?!  I'm smart and athletic...outta my way!!

I was put on the line where the spray tops are put on the perfume bottles.  This is done buy hand...seriously...this skill is not in my wheelhouse.  I started by watching this woman pop these tops on  super fast...boink, boink, boink.  Then travel to the end where another lady puts them in a box.

I've got this!  No problem I am thinking.  This is not like on I love Lucy where you can eat the chocolate.  I do believe this job gave me my first panic attack ever.  I lasted exactly 4 hours.

While I was eating lunch with my coworkers, they were telling me how they had been doing this same job for 5 to 10 years.  I went to the manager and said this is not for me.  I finished out the summer in the shipping department filling orders.

I worked my way through school, while raising a family and it took until 2000 to finish but I did it.  Today I am finishing up my last two classes to sit for the CPA exam.

Thank you Jafra for lighting my path.

3 Fitness Tools

I am always looking for the latest fitness toy that I can use to see how much activity I do each day.  Honestly, this should not be a taxing job for any of them.  I have tried many, but I thought I would give my feedback on my most recent toys.

Activelink by Weight Watchers - This in theory is a great idea.  There are many that are using the USB thing to pug into your computer to transmit the data and track everything from your steps to your heart rate, sleeping patterns.  It works fine, but what I am not fond of is the fact that it only is good as long as you are willing to pay the fee for the site.  Also, USB ports don't like going through the laundry.

Nike+ Running App- This is an awesome tool.  I got it when I was training and doing half marathons. It is very cool.  This comes on your iPhone or you can get a chip and sensor for you iPod.  This not only tracks your workout, but will communicate with you as you listen to your music.  I found it motivating on the long runs especially.  The only thing I didn't like was when I used the elliptical it did not pick up any of the workout through the sensor.  However, I have found that the gym equipment at my apartment complex will automatically connect to your Nike+ and track your workout on the elliptical or treadmill.  There is not cost to view your workouts.  They have lots of other toys, but I have not played with them.

FitBug - This is my latest toy and I love it so far.  It is kind of a mix between the Activelink and Nike+.  This is an Orb that you can wear on your wrist, clip on your cloths or wear around your neck and it will track all your activity through the day and night.  It will automatically feed you information to an app on your phone.  You can track everything and there is no fee for the app.  This cool toy is $50 and comes in various colors.  I like it because I don't have to wear it on  a band around my arm and I don't need a monitor around my chest.  As far as cost and comfort this one wins hands down.

5 Ways to Keep Your Customers Coming Back

What is it that keeps you coming back to a business?  For me it is always these 5 thinngs:

1. Communication
2. Customer Service
3. Quality
4. Personal Touch
5. Price

I want to share with you one of my favorite Esty shops and examples of why I will continue to by from Christy, her shop is calligraphytzl.

About 3 months ago I was searching on-line for handmade journals with 100% cotton pages.  As you can imagine there were hundreds that came up.  There were many that I liked, but I was not willing to pay hundreds of dollars for one journal.  I came across Christy's site and loved the variety of journals and the price's are reasonable.  I regretted not getting pictures of the beautiful packaging and care that was taken with the first journal that I received.

I noticed the other day that I was coming close to filling the first journal I purchased.  I went out on her site and selected two more that I wanted.  Here is where she guaranteed that I will not only buy from her again, but I felt the desire to share with all of you my experience with Christy.

Communication:  The same evening that I placed my order I received a message from Christy explaining that the journals that I selected had been sold and she had not had the chance to remove them from her shop.  I could select any other journals with in a range of prices.  For me this was not a big deal, I selected two other journals.  I actually like the ones I received better than the originals.

Customer Service:  She then asked me if I would like one of the journals personalized with my name.  Of course I said YES!!.  I thanked her and was excited to have my new journals on their way.

Quality & Personal Touch:  My package arrived today and here are examples of why I buy from Christy.  Christy included, not only the personalized journal, but also a personalized bookmark.  I hadn't mentioned to her that I secretly wanted one and was so thrilled to see that she had included one just for me.

The packaging is almost as beautiful at the bookmark itself.

She always includes a hand written  thank you note with your purchase.

My gift!  Thank you Christy!  I love it!

My journals are packaged like Fort Knox to ensure my journals are not damaged.

Each is in it's own box wrapped with care.

Wrapped in tissue paper.

I so love this journal!  The writing on the front is my name.  (I'm taking her word for it.)

The inside is just as beautiful and the perfect size to take with me when I travel.

These journals cost between $21.50 and $28.50 each.  For the quality and care that is taken, they are worth every penny.

Be sure to stop by her shop and check out all of her wares.  Thank you Christy for the Bookmark.

Tell me about your favorite place to shop and why!!

8 workouts in 8 weeks

There's nothing like a family emergency to get a girl motivated.  My 53 year brother had a heart attack last night.  I have been told by my doctor more than once that regular exercise is a must with our family history of heart attacks, strokes, gastrointestinal issues and ulcers.

I lost 15 pounds last year and have kept it off, but exercise had nothing to do with it.  I am one who tends to be all in or all out.  I am going to try to do this in a reasonable way.  I must say that my brother's heart attack is a shot across the bow.

The following are only a few of the workout videos I have in my library.  I do not plan on doing these all the way through and perfectly, but I do plan on trying each of these over the next 8 weeks.  I am going to alternate a workout with walking 3 to 5 days each week.

My blog is going to be my way of being accountable.

1. First we have American Power Yoga which the beginner workout basically kicked my butt.  I am just going to start with 20 minutes of the 90 minute workout.

2. Next  up is scary woman.  I will do 20 minutes of her work out to start.

3.  This will be my before bed stretching.  This I CAN do.  It is a good wind-down before bed.

4.  Turbo Jam by Beach Body is a blast and WILL kick your butt, but is not as painful as the first two.  It might not seem as bad because they make it fun.

5.  Ball workout.  I have two balls that serve as extra seating...lol.  I am going to mix in some strength workouts to the others.

6.  Next is the Bender Ball for my lower back.

7.  Sculpting bar on the days I walk to mix in strength.

8. P90X...completely insane purchase, but I can do what I can of the various workouts, starting with yoga.

I won't be doing all of these each week, but alternating workouts on each of these each week.

Wish me luck!!!

5 Signs of a Heart Attack in Women

Today I received a call during my morning "Coffee with God". It was my sister-in-law calling to tell me my 53 year old brother had a heart attack and is in the hospital. I let her talk and in the process she told me that he had chest pains off and on, come and go over the past year. Since, the pain would go away he did nothing.


Here is information for the American Heart Association: American Heart Association www.Heart.org

"Some heart attacks are sudden and intense — the "movie heart attack," where no one doubts what's happening. But most heart attacks start slowly, with mild pain or discomfort. Often people affected aren't sure what's wrong and wait too long before getting help. Here are signs that can mean a heart attack is happening:
1. Chest discomfort. Most heart attacks involve discomfort in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back. It can feel like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain.
2. Discomfort in other areas of the upper body. Symptoms can include pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
3. Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
4. Other signs may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness.

As with men, women's most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting, and back or jaw pain.

Heart Attack Signs in Women
1. Uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain in the center of your chest. It lasts more than a few minutes, or goes away and comes back.
2. Pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
3. Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
4. Other signs such as breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness.
5. As with men, women’s most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting and back or jaw pain.

If you have any of these signs, don’t wait more than five minutes before calling for help. Call 9-1-1 and get to a hospital right away. "






Call 9-1-1 right away. Seconds matter in these situations.






I was trained a week ago and certified in CPR. If you have not been trained in a long time, things are different now. Please consider taking a course so you know what to do.

10 Things blogging has taught me

These are the 10 things I have learned in the last 2 months of blogging:


1. Spending time reading and commenting on other peoples blogs is important to growing your own blog.  I have work to do in this area, since I have limited time and I spend that trying to write posts.

2. My ego CAN handle not being an instant success.  My ego thinks the world revolves around me.  This is just another example that it doesn't and I'm ok with that.

3. I think I am really funny, but it doesn't translate into the blog.

4.  It takes a lot of time maintain a blog.

5.  It is a great creative outlet.

6.  Just like everything else it takes time to build an audience.

7.  Tribe?  I have never been easy to define.

8.   I need to get out more.

9.  I value my down time.  I have to take a break and try not to stress about my blog.  My intent was just to have fun.

10.  There is a reason I am an accountant and not a writer.