My brain remembers wearing a little string bikini...at 49 it's a tankini with a skirt. I have moved into acceptance, but it was a tough step.
Being around other people in a bathing suit will be a huge step for me. I am a stronger person and love myself so much more than ever before, but can I handle someone saying something mean? I don't know.
So instead I got my finances together and addressed making sure my 401K is adequate for retirement. If anyone has used the tools to estimate what you need to retire you may have noticed the same things I did.
- They only expect you to live 20 years beyond retirement. Based on my family history we could live into our hundreds.
- They are estimating that 37% of your retirement income is coming from Social Security. I would love to believe that little fantasy, but I am not sure anyone in our government knows how to make that happen for my retirement. I just can't count on it.
- They are estimating a 3% inflation rate, but I think the true inflation rate is more like 5 to 6 percent.
So I have come to the conclusion that I will be working long past normal retirement age and aiming to live very modestly, no debt, only basic living expenses and enough fun money for one big trip a year.
I will say that my company is very generous with the retirement plan, If I put in 6% the total contribution annually is 14% with their contributions. I have a long way to go to be ready to retire, but I will probably always have some kind of business going so the brain will stay sharp and additional income will still come in.
Finally, I wrote a poem for the first time in many, many years:
A Deep Sense
When we meet there is a deep sense of safety,
a knowing that I am safe.
When our eyes connect there is a deep sense of acceptance,
a knowing that we are worthy of each others love.
When we talk there is a deep sense of honesty, raw communication,
a knowing that we can trust each other.
a knowing that our souls are talking in the silence.
a knowing that rushing is not a better way to go.
I believe this and when I meet this man, God will give me that deep sense,
a knowing that this man is a GIFT.